Take the Kingdom

the blood dripping from the fingers is only a sub-problem second to the taste

that's what happens when one is an activist vampire in this world

nothing makes too much sense  

developing a solid foot to stand on:

if one is eating wind there is no sustenance

if one is eating blood the world judges 

and when i stand on a podium to burn pages the politicians will throw the book at me

i remember a much simpler time

before the bible

before space travel

before film and instillation art and Mtv

i remember when i was an animal and there were no pages to burn

However...

The truth:

I have sort of always enjoyed Mtv  

Especially in the 90's

Drawing by Christina Steele.  Words by Dustin Whitehead.

leaving the field behind

i am torn
like the winter at dusk
to stay or go
in this field i am a king
i speak and the world listens
i breathe out and there is air to replace it
my lungs are full
my life is whole

out there
in the distance
it is cold
there are less blankets
less answers
there is less love
less

in this field i am a king
i can lay on the earth and touch the sky
i can wrap myself in confidence
i can soak my ears in joy
my heart in spirit
hope

in this field
i am truly free

but i must go
i must fly walk swim run
i must meet the storms and the avalanches and sounds of ambulances
i must
there is so much to see experience fear
there are so many to touch love teach


this is what i must do
i must

leave


this is life beyond the field

Photo by Sadie Myers.   Words by Dustin Whitehead.

Like her.

I laced up my tap shoes and started towards the floor.

I kicked him, mostly. 
But I was sloppy.
I would aim for one part of his body and hit another. 
Stupid
I might have broken my toe if his ribs had been just a bit more firm. 
He was weak.
Really weak.

I knew that surely if I hit the marks the way my sister could I would win her heart.  

When the ambulance drove by I remember thinking,
Boy, that siren is loud.
I wish they wouldn't drive through residential areas.
Rosalind Drive surely isn't the quickest route to General Medical ...
(a beat)
I had no idea that my son was in that ambulance.

She never really liked me. 
I don't know why. 
I just... 
Well, I wanted her to like me.
I guess.

The first time he walked, my parents were so excited. 
I was getting ready for Spring recital. 
There I was in the hallway in pink tights and a tutu crying my eyes out as my parents cheered for him in the living room. 
I shouldn't have been so jealous. 
It was silly of me. 
But I was a kid. 
That's what kids do, right?

I didn't realize that it was such a big deal, a boy dancing. 
I always liked watching her dance. 
I wanted to do it, too. 
That's all. 

I told him not to dance. 
No son of mine is gonna be no quee...
(pause) 
That's all I'll say. 
I'm not saying that other boy was right er nothing. 
I'm just saying, I told him... 
Not. 
To. 
Dance.

I'm not gay. 
At least, I don't think that I am. 
And anyway I know this one gay boy in my class and he hates to dance.

I mean, yeah, I regret it. 
I didn't realize that it would be such a big deal. 
I just hate seeing that sort of thing. 
Me and my friends, we were all gonna teach him a lesson and stuff. 
But when I looked up, they were all just sort of watching me. 
They looked...
Like,
Scared of me or something. 

It hurt a lot. 
And then I don't remember.

He almost died. 
I had never had a patient that was that bad. 
At least not from another human... 
And these were just kids. 
I mean...
What are they teaching these kids nowadays?
I just...

I think I learned...
To be careful. 
I have to be careful when I want to be myself. 
I guess.

Photo by Sadie Myers.  Words by Dustin Whitehead.

Coffee & Postcards

 

 

there is just one thing

more important than coffee...

it's sending postcards

 

 Photo by Sadie Myers.  Haiku by Dustin Whitehead.

this is our best

this is blonde afternoon Friday reflect
this is Saturday morning Sunday respect
this is a cloud
was a sunrise
will tomorrow be a reprise
but we do our best

first there was a seed
then a conversation
next was water and light
followed by connection

it's black
it's white
it's-dub-ah-you-beep-beep-yeah-yeah-yeah
i never could understand what Michael was saying

this is a fairy tale for a child from childhood
this is a kick the can pail from my old neighborhood
this is a sky
was a sunset
will tomorrow not have happened yet
but we do our best

Photo by Sadie Myers.  Words by Dustin Whitehead.

u & me

i love you, stranger

in life, how we all should be

love is the real thing

Haiku by Dustin Whitehead.  Photo response by Sadie Myers.

a message to a friend:

...says the mountaintop, but the dates are rocky.  Much like that one time in Vegas when we thought we had a plan.  Ahah! See, that is always my point.  Being of the antelope family, I never forget.  The history books got it wrong.  Elephants are blow-fish with legs.  They have practically no brains.  But we didn't start this conversation to be mean, did we?  Let's talk logistics; I'll meet you by the carousel at Epcot in Orlando, Florida where species just like yours and mine have been suffering for decades.  Now, I'm traveling via carrier pigeon so it's going to take me a while to get there.  Meantime, mind your P's and Q's and always look both ways at 'Duck Walk' in Chicago.  They have the best chain Thai food in town and I don't want you to mess this up.  Remember 1973 at Sonny's BBQ In New Hampshire.  Or was it 1985 at Flaco's in Gainesville, Texas.  Either way, I think you see my point. 

Now I have never loved and loathed as I do you.  Take that as a compliment.  Pray for sanity.  Hope for love.  And forever be AWESOME. 

Yours truly,

"You will hardly know who I am or what I mean."

Sketch by Christina Steele.  Words by Dustin Whitehead with remnants of Walt Whitman.

if mountain sky were a calculator

if mountain sky were a calculator there would be no solutions because everything would be sweet and soft and perfect so we would stop trying to build a future of quick downloads for a clock tick to upload our hearts into the equation

let's turn off the television tonight

i used to watch cheers and family matters every night all summer long exhausted from a day of playing army outside with my siblings sheltered by the florida sun and sky and moms lemonade we sold by the glass to construction workers who often smiled

apple trees are real

we had this large basement in milwaukee's third two bedroom bachelor pad where my father and my brother built pine wood derby cars as i played on the floor happy to be in the room before wearing the cold weather plastics that would take us to the park to run with the sky

Photos by Sadie Myers, Stephanie Peters, & Allan Whitehead. Words by Dustin Whitehead.

German Scrabble in Switzerland

a secret game of 

private letters traveling

the mind and her too

Photo by Sadie Myers.   Haiku by Dustin Whitehead.

if i spoke french

 

 ...

i would speak with my eyes 

closed 

using every word in my vocabulary 

in every order i could possibly imagine

then

i would open my eyes

breathe

and start again

...

Photo by Sadie Myers.  Words by Dustin Whitehead.

Hotel Stairs, Paris

we run because we took the goods
our stomachs are full
we are oliver twist on a good day
we are honey sweet
safe from bear aggression

the wood is four hundred years old
it creaks
like a seventy four year old lazy boy recliner that still rocks
these stairs still rock
and we use them like a grandchild exploring

this is french alive
this is twenty two slash twenty eight years of american standard saying yes we can
and yes we did
take the cookie from the cookie jar
our bad

the outside is sunny frisky today
where will we play
i say
we just may
make it up as we stroll along singing a whistle tune subtly knew...

Photo by Sadie Myers.  Words by Dustin Whitehead.

she look just like me

 

black sunglasses - check

head tilted with slight snore - check

  not a care - check (mate)

Candid photo by Sadie Myers.  Candid haiku by Dustin Whitehead.

Paris

We slept all night with the windows open

No bugs

Maybe that's why everyone sits outside here

There are no consequences

Jullian showed us volleyball 

He spoke of his cousin the futbol player
Paul romanticized the South of France 

He won't live in Paris

It's been raining mostly but we don't mind the rain  

We sleep until two in the afternoon mostly

Our room is soft

The view is simple and sweet

Today we will meet someone near The Louvre

Who will give us something to bring on our journey

Then the Eiffel Tower that so many have spoken about 

Will speak to us as though we've known it for years

Paris is quiet 

The buildings are humble

The air is crisp 

And the people are people

Photo by Sadie Myers.  Words by Dustin Whitehead

Here comes the

May grace find me here,
in hopefully waters,
buzzing with the excitement of next-ness.

We often look to brilliancy as a sustainable life,
but I'll tell you that light is rare
so when it comes----squeeze it to death,
till the light seeps over in your hands
like shiny yellow blood, wetting your knuckles and the insides of your fingers.
put this light to your lips and sate the dark depths.

For hope is coming. Teaming out in the distance.
Hope is coming.
Lets the tears roll down your face,
track them to your jowls, to the side of your neck
where lovers kiss,
to the collar bone, that most kids have broken
to your breast plate and sternum, that guards whats most precious.
And let them stay there as a damp reminder that hope is coming

and it looks like light.

Hope looks like water and tears and light and color
and when you find it for yourself,
(because it will be different for all)
sink your nails into it
sink your face into it
sink your heart into it

hope is coming.
And it looks like this---

Drawing by Adam Peterson. Words by Jordan Shappell.

Thanks for the love

Dear wedding,

I'm flying in circles around your perfection
Attempting to include you in my every afterthought without overwhelming my heart

You took us in
You held us
Danced with us
Smiled and laughed with us
You howled at the moon and swayed in the river breeze

You brought us together

You sang sweet music
You said 'let's do it' and in she came
More beautiful then ever
You made peace with the grass and the sky
You asked them to hold her
To lift her up

You fed us and sheltered us and gave us drink

You were an afternoon
An evening
A day
A lifetime
An idea
A promise
You were everyone and everything we love

Thanks for the people
The smiles
The tears
The hope

Thanks for the community
The family
The honesty
The promise

Thanks for the future
The memories
The potential
The life

Thanks for the love

Photo by Amanda Grupp. Words by Dustin Whitehead.