Take the Kingdom

the blood dripping from the fingers is only a sub-problem second to the taste

that's what happens when one is an activist vampire in this world

nothing makes too much sense  

developing a solid foot to stand on:

if one is eating wind there is no sustenance

if one is eating blood the world judges 

and when i stand on a podium to burn pages the politicians will throw the book at me

i remember a much simpler time

before the bible

before space travel

before film and instillation art and Mtv

i remember when i was an animal and there were no pages to burn

However...

The truth:

I have sort of always enjoyed Mtv  

Especially in the 90's

Drawing by Christina Steele.  Words by Dustin Whitehead.

leaving the field behind

i am torn
like the winter at dusk
to stay or go
in this field i am a king
i speak and the world listens
i breathe out and there is air to replace it
my lungs are full
my life is whole

out there
in the distance
it is cold
there are less blankets
less answers
there is less love
less

in this field i am a king
i can lay on the earth and touch the sky
i can wrap myself in confidence
i can soak my ears in joy
my heart in spirit
hope

in this field
i am truly free

but i must go
i must fly walk swim run
i must meet the storms and the avalanches and sounds of ambulances
i must
there is so much to see experience fear
there are so many to touch love teach


this is what i must do
i must

leave


this is life beyond the field

Photo by Sadie Myers.   Words by Dustin Whitehead.

Like her.

I laced up my tap shoes and started towards the floor.

I kicked him, mostly. 
But I was sloppy.
I would aim for one part of his body and hit another. 
Stupid
I might have broken my toe if his ribs had been just a bit more firm. 
He was weak.
Really weak.

I knew that surely if I hit the marks the way my sister could I would win her heart.  

When the ambulance drove by I remember thinking,
Boy, that siren is loud.
I wish they wouldn't drive through residential areas.
Rosalind Drive surely isn't the quickest route to General Medical ...
(a beat)
I had no idea that my son was in that ambulance.

She never really liked me. 
I don't know why. 
I just... 
Well, I wanted her to like me.
I guess.

The first time he walked, my parents were so excited. 
I was getting ready for Spring recital. 
There I was in the hallway in pink tights and a tutu crying my eyes out as my parents cheered for him in the living room. 
I shouldn't have been so jealous. 
It was silly of me. 
But I was a kid. 
That's what kids do, right?

I didn't realize that it was such a big deal, a boy dancing. 
I always liked watching her dance. 
I wanted to do it, too. 
That's all. 

I told him not to dance. 
No son of mine is gonna be no quee...
(pause) 
That's all I'll say. 
I'm not saying that other boy was right er nothing. 
I'm just saying, I told him... 
Not. 
To. 
Dance.

I'm not gay. 
At least, I don't think that I am. 
And anyway I know this one gay boy in my class and he hates to dance.

I mean, yeah, I regret it. 
I didn't realize that it would be such a big deal. 
I just hate seeing that sort of thing. 
Me and my friends, we were all gonna teach him a lesson and stuff. 
But when I looked up, they were all just sort of watching me. 
They looked...
Like,
Scared of me or something. 

It hurt a lot. 
And then I don't remember.

He almost died. 
I had never had a patient that was that bad. 
At least not from another human... 
And these were just kids. 
I mean...
What are they teaching these kids nowadays?
I just...

I think I learned...
To be careful. 
I have to be careful when I want to be myself. 
I guess.

Photo by Sadie Myers.  Words by Dustin Whitehead.