i will be

 

 

....

I think maybe this explains things. A gift or an honor or just my heartbeat. Heartfelt. Here it is. I wrote it on the plane...

Walking on the sand he felt honor. Adrift from all the pressure. There is a morning train somewhere that smells like feces and people pack in anyway. But he is alone. The sand answers only with small moans as if it were receiving a massage. He walks towards coconut trees and sunsets and wild animals and honesty but not towards rain. Not anymore. He no longer will hold the weight of creditors on his back. He won't answer phone calls while speed-walking in uncomfortable clacking dress shoes. There is no one waiting for him at Starbucks. He doesn't give a shit about what kind of deal will be offered next week or how many emails are marked unread in his inbox. He instead is dancing. He is graceful. He can fly if he wants to. His heart is his. And his voice is unheard by everyone but God. Across the ocean is reality and right here, right now, is purity. There is a difference, of course. Meditation is a doorway long since passed through. This is something more. This is no dream. This is a man humbly aggressively and ambitiously seeking an answer. Who will head his call. Who will swoop near and hold his hand, lend an ear, open a door. There are no more ladder metaphors. No more applications. Fuck my experience and talking in the third person. I will be. I will be free. I will escape these chains. I will build my future. And if it involves sand. A LOT OF SAND. Then so be it. I will drink Mexican beer with a lime and salt if I so please. I'll fly a kite with the woman I love. I will make children. I will make love. I will make me. I will be. If tomorrow comes after today so to will I come after me. And again and again and again. And one day I will not fear death because I will know that I have built me how God wanted me to. I will sew my seams and shape my heart and fly my kite and raise my hope. I will be me. For her. And for him. And for you. And for God. And for all that is everything and nothing at all. I will be me. Indefinitely. Invincibly. Honestly. With all of my heart. I will fly. 

Photo by Fred Watford.  Words by Dustin Whitehead.